Give me release...

Let me say...

Yesterday was a day to be broken, to work, to be enveloped in music and then be blessed by the fruits of that labor. I was at C-church (Cumberland) all day... with a short break for lunch, and we toiled through an lengthy worship set for our evening service last night, which ended up running over two hours... It was incredible to see the hearts of the staff and the of the worship leader, Michael Olson, as he described his passion and joy in his relationship with our Savior.

After a powerful evening, I sped over to War Memorial to catch Ryan Adams on what is rumored to be his last tour. He played for a solid 2 and 1/2 hours and was fantastic. Truly glad I finally got to see a performance of his, after completely and utterly wearing out most of his records over the last 10 years. He is a prolific and outstanding songwriter, and his vocals were spot on.

Today though, has been a renewing and refreshing day. I've been doing some cleaning and decided to really overhaul some junk that's been lying around my bedroom. I was cleaning out a box that I keep under my bed that stores cards, notes, etc., meaningful things from the past 5 or 6 years of my life... and I found some things in there that I needed to let go of. Notes, words that were shared in past relationships that began draw out that emptiness inside of me that I have felt in my soul for almost a year now. I had already torn some old photos from this mess, and to drop each note, tear each note, and toss it away was a draining but cathartic process for me... I am moving towards a complete release from this, and today was huge step... ironically, at least for me, I had my iTunes on shuffle, and of the 4200 songs, it decided to play "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie. This is a group and a record (Plans) that had a lot of meaning in that relationship... so to hear it at the moment I was releasing myself from this burden was heavy, to say the least. In that same moment, it was good. The line is... "Love is watching someone die, so who is gonna watch you die?" and in a strange way, I found comfort. Even though this friendship and love is over and this song used to pertain to that particular person for me, I saw that, clearly, there are many who would be beside me at my death bed, and I feel confident there are many to whom I would return that affection and support. It's a confirmation for me, like several things in the past few weeks, that I am surrounded by good people who are sharing the walk on this earth with me, and are sharing pain and joy with me, and we are all growing in our relationship with our Savior, which is most important. I read in colossians this morning, and in the 1st chapter, Paul writes that God literally "qualified" us to be a part of eternity with Him through His Son Jesus Christ. That word (obviously not the same in every translation) struck a chord with me... that I am under-qualified, I am a sinner, I am broken, and that's where it all starts... that God sent his Son and transferred every sin to Him and nailed it on the cross... This is an extremely potent consideration, that God offers that to us out of love and with no other agenda. He is an amazing God.