Not since June...
It's been dry. An incredible dry fall spiritually... I wish I knew the reasons behind peaks and valleys in the christian walk. Instead, what I think I've begun to recognize is that the walk is truly what it is all about. Obedience to my heavenly father in both trying and triumphant times. The times where it seems like no growth is evident and that sense of enrichment is completely absent from your life... those are crucial times to still get up and take up your cross and follow your Savior! That is completely where I have been and honestly I am glad to be writing this because I feel like I have some real thoughts to share where I truly haven't in a while. It's been frustrating at the very least.
I've been at my third attempt in reading through the bible. (the previous two were not entirely successful, I've never gotten through the entire OT, though I have been through the NT a handful of times). This time around, I've tried to diligently follow the advice of my pastor and good friend, Ryan Britt. He recommends, as do I now, that we all read the bible from the perspective that it really is one continuous story about Christ. The bible, and indeed, history is centered around this man who was both fully human and fully divine (and also not white with long brown hair, by the way... haha). At any rate, I am sifting through some pretty slow chapters of Leviticus and something is really standing out to me. It really is not that profound of a thought, but it still encouraged me... The rules and regulations that Moses writes about in this portion of the Pentateuch are thoroughly endless. Mundane. Depressing. Seemingly trivial. But that is at first glance and if you try to read the bible like fiction... you say... where are the juicy stories of murder and intrigue? where are the stories of conquest and where are the dazzling miracles?... or if you read it like a self-help book... where is the advice for what I am going through? what do the diagnostics for building the temple have to do with me? These are easy questions to ask, and all of those things ARE in the bible. A likely attitude to adopt if you come to the bible looking for some personal fulfillment is to desire these things so strongly and miss some greater lesson. God would not call us to be in His word, I argue, for us to feel better about ourselves. He wants us to be in His word out of obedience to him, so we can more diligently follow His commands and seek His will. I am not suggesting that you won't find answers in the word, I am simply stating that if you constantly seek God in the Word and the message of Christ's redemption in it that you will find more concrete, biblical direction for your life.
So how have these passages spoke to me? They have made me in awe of God. Simple and plain. The reason for all of these rules and regulations were for one purpose, to access a relationship with our Heavenly Father. For the Israelites, it took quite the measured lifestyle to have that, and even then, only one man could step into the Holy of Holies with being struck to death, and if even he was unclean in that moment, he too would die. This doesn't mean God is some rule happy dictator that wants us to live rigid, unhappy lives. It means he literally is so holy, so blameless, so perfect... that we now, and the Israelites then, could never access His presence freely without Christ. Without Christ paying the ultimate sacrifice on the cross to redeem a personal relationship with our Father, we would still be separated like the Jewish people of the Old Testament were. That's what the passage clarified for me. The gratefulness I ought to live in daily for no longer needing those laws, but being able instead to pray, to talk, to share freely a deeply personal relationship with our perfect Father through our perfect Savior. A simple thought really...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Peter
So after InsideOut last night, or really, during small group discussion, I took a moment to myself in the church's main auditorium. To me, there is something fascinating about being in a room that is normally vibrant, cheerful, loud, full of people and sounds, music and worship and being there in stillness and silence and darkness. The only contribution to otherwise dead silence was the low hum of the computer racks and light rigs and air conditioning, but no disturbing or intermittent noises that attract the ears. In my hearing's inattentivness, I found a peacful solitude that can't be achieved in many places. There was a trail of light leaking through one of the side entrances so I laid prostrate and began to read in 1st Peter. There were a few verses in the first chapter that stuck out to me... and looking at two translations here... verse 14. It says in the NIV, "do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance." I liked the ESV even better. It's not in front of me but I believe it said something to the effect of don't be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance. I like that concept of ignorant passions. As sinners, as lost people, or even as misguided, unconvicted Christians... we give in constantly to these "passions." Yes, they are evil desires, but only under a somewhat religous umbrella do we see them as such. In otherwords, ignorance lends itself to a form of bliss, where we don't see our passions and vices as evil. A unbeliever doesn't see their sin as evil, whether or not their conscience is telling them otherwise. So, I find that is really what we are, or were, under sin. Ignorant. Given to the whims of the world and finding no fault in those, or as believers, choosing to live in ignorance and conform to what we know, on an eternal scale, are weightless behaviors. Either way, Peter is encouraging us, don't give in! don't conform! It's your former ignorance. You are not and do not have to live in it anymore, and really you ought not to be.
Secondly, I like the passage in verse 22 which says to love your brothers sincerely, deeply, purely from the heart. That's a challenge, is it not? I was considering how often I love purely, selflessly, because of Christ in me versus how often I love conditionally and with Reed in mind. I know I struggle with that. There are many things I can attribute that to, but I know one is that I have a passion for excellence and commitment and competitivness in whatever it is I am doing. Be it sports, games, friendships, relationships or most obviously music, I want to do well and be seen as doing well. When I fail or feel like my best foot was not put forward, I tend to want to find esteem in others, and thus create a bubble of falsified love to fall back onto, to the point that I will love others conditionally to recieve it. It's sick, it's twisted, but it's truth. Actually, twisted is an apt way to describe it. In reality, the idea of being excellent in something is good. God wants that for us. He wants us to enjoy our passions (not the former ignorant ones) to the fullest, and excel in those things. Satan is the Great Deceiver. He can turn good into bad as fast as Jesus did water to wine. He can take the innately good in us and twist it and squeeze some bad out of us, as if we were a sponge nearly dry but damp, and Satan finds just a drop of sin or two to extract from us when otherwise we were tapped out. So this remains my hope, to in every moment possible, love purely and selflessly and to know deeply the passions of my Father and the restoration of Christ living in me.
Secondly, I like the passage in verse 22 which says to love your brothers sincerely, deeply, purely from the heart. That's a challenge, is it not? I was considering how often I love purely, selflessly, because of Christ in me versus how often I love conditionally and with Reed in mind. I know I struggle with that. There are many things I can attribute that to, but I know one is that I have a passion for excellence and commitment and competitivness in whatever it is I am doing. Be it sports, games, friendships, relationships or most obviously music, I want to do well and be seen as doing well. When I fail or feel like my best foot was not put forward, I tend to want to find esteem in others, and thus create a bubble of falsified love to fall back onto, to the point that I will love others conditionally to recieve it. It's sick, it's twisted, but it's truth. Actually, twisted is an apt way to describe it. In reality, the idea of being excellent in something is good. God wants that for us. He wants us to enjoy our passions (not the former ignorant ones) to the fullest, and excel in those things. Satan is the Great Deceiver. He can turn good into bad as fast as Jesus did water to wine. He can take the innately good in us and twist it and squeeze some bad out of us, as if we were a sponge nearly dry but damp, and Satan finds just a drop of sin or two to extract from us when otherwise we were tapped out. So this remains my hope, to in every moment possible, love purely and selflessly and to know deeply the passions of my Father and the restoration of Christ living in me.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The Crispy Realization
Wow...
God has done nothing short but shake my core for the last six weeks. Little did I know that as I went through the release that day that I last posted here, I was starting a journey that is still very much in it's infancy, but is the most beautiful experience of my life.
I think this process started in January, when I began to attend Men's Fraternity at C-Church. This weekly men's group has gotten me thinking about manhood and the foundation of faith and conviction that I am currently establishing that will literally define me for the next 20, 30, 40 years. Through that and weekly conversations with my close friends Ross and Austin, and a breakfast with Tim Meldrum, my dear friend and pastor from Atlanta... I have completely reorganized my entire approach to christianity, realizing that in a lot of ways, I have had such an immature approach. I have lived with such a legalistic perspective. Not so much the judgmental elements of a legalist, but more so in the intense focus on good and bad, righteousness versus sin, and keeping a checklist on my sin. The sum of these ideals in my life led to a never-ending cycle of sin, guilt, repentance, redemption, sin, guilt.... etc., ugh... I am letting that GO... man it feels so good. As christians, we need not focus on "not sinning," but on communion with God and a relationship with our heavenly father... after all, that's what Jesus' sacrifice was all about... to open that door. In Hebrews 12:2, it states that Christ "with the joy set before him endured the cross" and despised the shame... It was set before Him. Christ KNEW what His sacrifice was offering to every human EVER... life in Him and a personal relationship with our heavenly Father. He took JOY in that?! despised the shame of the cross, bore the pain on our behalf WITH JOY!? How could I not be wrecked by that?
The thing is... Legalism, though encouraging righteousness, is an insult to God's grace. We literally have nothing to offer God. If we approach it with the attitude that we can contribute to our salvation, that sells God short. He doesn't need our help, He wants to rescue us! We want a role in our salvation, but we have none. We are depraved, we are broken, and can only be rescued and redeemed from it. Of course, the other side of the coin is abusing God's grace by living in sin and feeling covered by that grace, using it as an excuse to continue sinning. Read Romans 6, it blatantly addresses that abuse of God's grace. God's grace is meant for us to live a holy life, don't ever let that be forgotten! Temptation for sin will always exist, but it should lead us to God, to His throne, not away from Him and into sin. The key is that He doesn't want us to be obessesed over sin vs. righteousness... he wants us to abandon ourselves, exchange our lives for Christ's and realize Christ is the only man who ever truly "lived" the christian life. For us, on our own, this is an impossibility. We are completely incapable of living perfectly, we will utterly fail. Thus, the beauty of allowing Christ to live in us and through us to those around us... because in doing that, we CAN live and walk. It's not about trying to be like Christ, because though that is a good notion, it still focuses on us trying succeed by our own power.... Quite simply, it is about Galatians 2:20... Dying to self daily and Christ being the center of our lives, recognizing that Christ has to live out through us.
God has done nothing short but shake my core for the last six weeks. Little did I know that as I went through the release that day that I last posted here, I was starting a journey that is still very much in it's infancy, but is the most beautiful experience of my life.
I think this process started in January, when I began to attend Men's Fraternity at C-Church. This weekly men's group has gotten me thinking about manhood and the foundation of faith and conviction that I am currently establishing that will literally define me for the next 20, 30, 40 years. Through that and weekly conversations with my close friends Ross and Austin, and a breakfast with Tim Meldrum, my dear friend and pastor from Atlanta... I have completely reorganized my entire approach to christianity, realizing that in a lot of ways, I have had such an immature approach. I have lived with such a legalistic perspective. Not so much the judgmental elements of a legalist, but more so in the intense focus on good and bad, righteousness versus sin, and keeping a checklist on my sin. The sum of these ideals in my life led to a never-ending cycle of sin, guilt, repentance, redemption, sin, guilt.... etc., ugh... I am letting that GO... man it feels so good. As christians, we need not focus on "not sinning," but on communion with God and a relationship with our heavenly father... after all, that's what Jesus' sacrifice was all about... to open that door. In Hebrews 12:2, it states that Christ "with the joy set before him endured the cross" and despised the shame... It was set before Him. Christ KNEW what His sacrifice was offering to every human EVER... life in Him and a personal relationship with our heavenly Father. He took JOY in that?! despised the shame of the cross, bore the pain on our behalf WITH JOY!? How could I not be wrecked by that?
The thing is... Legalism, though encouraging righteousness, is an insult to God's grace. We literally have nothing to offer God. If we approach it with the attitude that we can contribute to our salvation, that sells God short. He doesn't need our help, He wants to rescue us! We want a role in our salvation, but we have none. We are depraved, we are broken, and can only be rescued and redeemed from it. Of course, the other side of the coin is abusing God's grace by living in sin and feeling covered by that grace, using it as an excuse to continue sinning. Read Romans 6, it blatantly addresses that abuse of God's grace. God's grace is meant for us to live a holy life, don't ever let that be forgotten! Temptation for sin will always exist, but it should lead us to God, to His throne, not away from Him and into sin. The key is that He doesn't want us to be obessesed over sin vs. righteousness... he wants us to abandon ourselves, exchange our lives for Christ's and realize Christ is the only man who ever truly "lived" the christian life. For us, on our own, this is an impossibility. We are completely incapable of living perfectly, we will utterly fail. Thus, the beauty of allowing Christ to live in us and through us to those around us... because in doing that, we CAN live and walk. It's not about trying to be like Christ, because though that is a good notion, it still focuses on us trying succeed by our own power.... Quite simply, it is about Galatians 2:20... Dying to self daily and Christ being the center of our lives, recognizing that Christ has to live out through us.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Give me release...
Let me say...
Yesterday was a day to be broken, to work, to be enveloped in music and then be blessed by the fruits of that labor. I was at C-church (Cumberland) all day... with a short break for lunch, and we toiled through an lengthy worship set for our evening service last night, which ended up running over two hours... It was incredible to see the hearts of the staff and the of the worship leader, Michael Olson, as he described his passion and joy in his relationship with our Savior.
After a powerful evening, I sped over to War Memorial to catch Ryan Adams on what is rumored to be his last tour. He played for a solid 2 and 1/2 hours and was fantastic. Truly glad I finally got to see a performance of his, after completely and utterly wearing out most of his records over the last 10 years. He is a prolific and outstanding songwriter, and his vocals were spot on.
Today though, has been a renewing and refreshing day. I've been doing some cleaning and decided to really overhaul some junk that's been lying around my bedroom. I was cleaning out a box that I keep under my bed that stores cards, notes, etc., meaningful things from the past 5 or 6 years of my life... and I found some things in there that I needed to let go of. Notes, words that were shared in past relationships that began draw out that emptiness inside of me that I have felt in my soul for almost a year now. I had already torn some old photos from this mess, and to drop each note, tear each note, and toss it away was a draining but cathartic process for me... I am moving towards a complete release from this, and today was huge step... ironically, at least for me, I had my iTunes on shuffle, and of the 4200 songs, it decided to play "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie. This is a group and a record (Plans) that had a lot of meaning in that relationship... so to hear it at the moment I was releasing myself from this burden was heavy, to say the least. In that same moment, it was good. The line is... "Love is watching someone die, so who is gonna watch you die?" and in a strange way, I found comfort. Even though this friendship and love is over and this song used to pertain to that particular person for me, I saw that, clearly, there are many who would be beside me at my death bed, and I feel confident there are many to whom I would return that affection and support. It's a confirmation for me, like several things in the past few weeks, that I am surrounded by good people who are sharing the walk on this earth with me, and are sharing pain and joy with me, and we are all growing in our relationship with our Savior, which is most important. I read in colossians this morning, and in the 1st chapter, Paul writes that God literally "qualified" us to be a part of eternity with Him through His Son Jesus Christ. That word (obviously not the same in every translation) struck a chord with me... that I am under-qualified, I am a sinner, I am broken, and that's where it all starts... that God sent his Son and transferred every sin to Him and nailed it on the cross... This is an extremely potent consideration, that God offers that to us out of love and with no other agenda. He is an amazing God.
Yesterday was a day to be broken, to work, to be enveloped in music and then be blessed by the fruits of that labor. I was at C-church (Cumberland) all day... with a short break for lunch, and we toiled through an lengthy worship set for our evening service last night, which ended up running over two hours... It was incredible to see the hearts of the staff and the of the worship leader, Michael Olson, as he described his passion and joy in his relationship with our Savior.
After a powerful evening, I sped over to War Memorial to catch Ryan Adams on what is rumored to be his last tour. He played for a solid 2 and 1/2 hours and was fantastic. Truly glad I finally got to see a performance of his, after completely and utterly wearing out most of his records over the last 10 years. He is a prolific and outstanding songwriter, and his vocals were spot on.
Today though, has been a renewing and refreshing day. I've been doing some cleaning and decided to really overhaul some junk that's been lying around my bedroom. I was cleaning out a box that I keep under my bed that stores cards, notes, etc., meaningful things from the past 5 or 6 years of my life... and I found some things in there that I needed to let go of. Notes, words that were shared in past relationships that began draw out that emptiness inside of me that I have felt in my soul for almost a year now. I had already torn some old photos from this mess, and to drop each note, tear each note, and toss it away was a draining but cathartic process for me... I am moving towards a complete release from this, and today was huge step... ironically, at least for me, I had my iTunes on shuffle, and of the 4200 songs, it decided to play "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie. This is a group and a record (Plans) that had a lot of meaning in that relationship... so to hear it at the moment I was releasing myself from this burden was heavy, to say the least. In that same moment, it was good. The line is... "Love is watching someone die, so who is gonna watch you die?" and in a strange way, I found comfort. Even though this friendship and love is over and this song used to pertain to that particular person for me, I saw that, clearly, there are many who would be beside me at my death bed, and I feel confident there are many to whom I would return that affection and support. It's a confirmation for me, like several things in the past few weeks, that I am surrounded by good people who are sharing the walk on this earth with me, and are sharing pain and joy with me, and we are all growing in our relationship with our Savior, which is most important. I read in colossians this morning, and in the 1st chapter, Paul writes that God literally "qualified" us to be a part of eternity with Him through His Son Jesus Christ. That word (obviously not the same in every translation) struck a chord with me... that I am under-qualified, I am a sinner, I am broken, and that's where it all starts... that God sent his Son and transferred every sin to Him and nailed it on the cross... This is an extremely potent consideration, that God offers that to us out of love and with no other agenda. He is an amazing God.
Monday, March 2, 2009
I'm up in the woods...
I'm down on my mind
I'm building a still
To slow down the time
-Bon Iver
Truly have been obsessed with both of his records, Blood Bank - EP, and For Emma, Forever Ago..
Both of these records are extremely well done. Thanks to this and the Radiohead music video DVD that J Hall got recently, I have been inspired by the pure creativity that remains in the music industry, despite the ugly side. I may never do anything that is as artful or creative as these artists, but they keep me striving, searching for the next step I can take towards a grander appreciation for music and what I can accomplish with it.
I have started true promotion of the new CD and the CD release show! It's keeping me busy but will be well worth it in the end. March 23, 7 p.m., third and lindlsey!
I spent saturday night traveling back from Decatur, AL from a gig, and about 10 miles into TN, the snow came, and came hard. For about the next 50-55 miles, I was driving at about 30-35 mph trying not to slide into the median, or worse, into the trees. I did have one car brake in front of me which caused me to swerve into the shoulder... but the crisis was averted. We (Phil, Britt and I) saw 2 cars in the ditch between the highway, and we saw a truck pulling a trailer with a car on it slide 90 degrees and completely block I-65 southbound... it was a mess. My knuckles were white, my arms and eyes were tired, but the Matrix held up... There were moments where all I could see was a white path in front of me... and an incessant pouring of flakes at my windshield, where my wipers vainly attempted to clear some sort of view for me. It felt like someone was stuffing a big white koosh ball in my face and I couldn't swat the stupid toy away... but, with God's protection, we made it safely. For a boy that grew up in GA, I finally earned my inclement weather driving badge. Phil (from CO) and Britt (from IN) know some snow, and they confirmed that this was indeed a heavy downpour, not just some sissy from the south complaining about a 1/2 inch of snowfall... Phil coined it a "southern blizzard." So, I feel at least legitmate in my fears.
Until next time...
I'm building a still
To slow down the time
-Bon Iver
Truly have been obsessed with both of his records, Blood Bank - EP, and For Emma, Forever Ago..
Both of these records are extremely well done. Thanks to this and the Radiohead music video DVD that J Hall got recently, I have been inspired by the pure creativity that remains in the music industry, despite the ugly side. I may never do anything that is as artful or creative as these artists, but they keep me striving, searching for the next step I can take towards a grander appreciation for music and what I can accomplish with it.
I have started true promotion of the new CD and the CD release show! It's keeping me busy but will be well worth it in the end. March 23, 7 p.m., third and lindlsey!
I spent saturday night traveling back from Decatur, AL from a gig, and about 10 miles into TN, the snow came, and came hard. For about the next 50-55 miles, I was driving at about 30-35 mph trying not to slide into the median, or worse, into the trees. I did have one car brake in front of me which caused me to swerve into the shoulder... but the crisis was averted. We (Phil, Britt and I) saw 2 cars in the ditch between the highway, and we saw a truck pulling a trailer with a car on it slide 90 degrees and completely block I-65 southbound... it was a mess. My knuckles were white, my arms and eyes were tired, but the Matrix held up... There were moments where all I could see was a white path in front of me... and an incessant pouring of flakes at my windshield, where my wipers vainly attempted to clear some sort of view for me. It felt like someone was stuffing a big white koosh ball in my face and I couldn't swat the stupid toy away... but, with God's protection, we made it safely. For a boy that grew up in GA, I finally earned my inclement weather driving badge. Phil (from CO) and Britt (from IN) know some snow, and they confirmed that this was indeed a heavy downpour, not just some sissy from the south complaining about a 1/2 inch of snowfall... Phil coined it a "southern blizzard." So, I feel at least legitmate in my fears.
Until next time...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
New things...
Well, since I blog so often and so well, I thought I would start one apart from the slightly less user-friendly myspace blog (no offense Tom). I want a place for friends, family, fans... whomever... to come and see what's going on in this life of mine.
This week had it's slow days and fast days. I spent Wednesday afternoon and evening recording keyboards for Tom Schreck's new record... which is quite killer by the way. We hammered out 11 songs in close to 7 hours, so it was a marathon of recording, but went really well and busted my chops, which I needed... it was a blast. I am still doing some teaching and just reached the 6 month mark with my first students, Kevin Mawae's kids (of the Titans)... they have come a very long way and we were looking back and what they've accomplished thus far... it's been a blessing to see students progress and attempting to help them along the way.
Austin Adams and I wrote another song yesterday, titled "Push and Shove." Perhaps one of my favorites from the Adams/Pittman catalog (which isn't very large, mind you)... but hey, it is a cool tune for us and a bit of a segue from our typical writing style I would say... We both poured some significant anger and frustration into the song and that is evident when you hear it.
So now I am sitting in bed after staying up way to late on a friday evening. We watched rocketman last night... some disney movie that I regrettably had never heard of, much to the dismay of my friends. When they mentioned the film, I thought they meant "The Rocketeer," so I was thrilled. I loved the Rocketeer as a kid... but not Rocketman... and let me say, I probably needed to watch that movie when I was 12, because I found it lame... I think I laughed twice... maybe... oh well. I'm sure it would be better if I associated childhood memories with it... like I do with so many other average movies.
And there it stands... my first blog... on this site at least... stay tuned.
This week had it's slow days and fast days. I spent Wednesday afternoon and evening recording keyboards for Tom Schreck's new record... which is quite killer by the way. We hammered out 11 songs in close to 7 hours, so it was a marathon of recording, but went really well and busted my chops, which I needed... it was a blast. I am still doing some teaching and just reached the 6 month mark with my first students, Kevin Mawae's kids (of the Titans)... they have come a very long way and we were looking back and what they've accomplished thus far... it's been a blessing to see students progress and attempting to help them along the way.
Austin Adams and I wrote another song yesterday, titled "Push and Shove." Perhaps one of my favorites from the Adams/Pittman catalog (which isn't very large, mind you)... but hey, it is a cool tune for us and a bit of a segue from our typical writing style I would say... We both poured some significant anger and frustration into the song and that is evident when you hear it.
So now I am sitting in bed after staying up way to late on a friday evening. We watched rocketman last night... some disney movie that I regrettably had never heard of, much to the dismay of my friends. When they mentioned the film, I thought they meant "The Rocketeer," so I was thrilled. I loved the Rocketeer as a kid... but not Rocketman... and let me say, I probably needed to watch that movie when I was 12, because I found it lame... I think I laughed twice... maybe... oh well. I'm sure it would be better if I associated childhood memories with it... like I do with so many other average movies.
And there it stands... my first blog... on this site at least... stay tuned.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)