My dad said to me that he's learned finally to not place your trust in any person, any human... because ultimately they are likely to let you down. Seems pessimistic, huh? Well, let me dissect that statement, because really it offers true, unaffected hope.
Humans are worthless, depraved people. Let's face it. We are selfish and constantly concerned with our reputations. I am none the wiser or stronger than anyone else in this matter. I seek approval, I seek acceptance... and that is God-given. The catch: I search for it, too often, not in God but in other people, things, ideas. I trust in those things. I place faith and belief in those things. To what avail?
I've been in an unbelievable tailspin this summer. My faith has been shattered. At times, I have felt irreconcilable. Lots of frustration, lots of questions, lots of heartache, and this was all spurned from me placing that trust in a person, an idol. Under the guise of a spiritual leader, I attempted, as best as I knew how, to help, and at times drag, another person along. The emotional and spiritual tax of doing this proved to be immeasurable when the whole relationship was pulled out from under me like a rug. It provided some clarity, by default. I was forced to see some of the holes in scheme, the kinks in the chain... but I truly felt like a martyr. And therein, miraculously, lies my comfort, my peace. I spent so much of myself on this, that when it ended, there was no growth left for me. I took 7 or 8 steps backwards. However, the peace I have found is knowing that my efforts were not in vain because they caused growth in that other person. They encouraged change in another life, and though mine was shambled, there was a benefit to all of it, and that's kind of point, isn't it?
So, going back to the trust thing and my father's brief but potent statement, I pray you can see now that the hope I see in it is that our trust, placed in our heavenly Father's hands, is in every way the right location for it to be. That realization is what drove my dad's thoughts. Who cares if others let you down? There is always a God who is seeking an active relationship with you, and challenging you, and by the way, He is perfect, so don't worry about mistakes on His end, only you will make them, and He will forgive you from them every time. Without fail or ceasing.
Mark it. It's time to stop asking questions that don't matter. I am so content to feel like I am finally coming out of the valley...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Dark Spots
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
This verse in Matthew 12 has been sticking out to me. The context of which is quite impacting as well. The verse before (33) says quite plainly, if a tree is good make it's fruit good, and if it is bad the fruit will be bad. That's our meter. That is what measures us. Our fruit.
I have been feeling a strong conviction for my words. What am I saying? Is it encouraging? sarcastic? cynical? hopeless? hopeful? loving? hateful? And what are the things that I stand for in my words and do my actions support that. Where is the fruit in my life? I claim Christ sure. Many people do. Many people claim Him but do not KNOW Him. Please understand I say these things in the context of my own desire to know Him better, and not in a judging manner. My desire is that all who claim Christ would seek Him, I know I fail at this.
I guess at the center of this musing is the concept that the things that we say are evidence of the condition of our heart. Saying that it is just a personality trait to be sarcastic or cynical is a cop out. To me, if those things exist in a malicious way, it means there is some black spot on our heart that is yet to be eradicated. I am not saying you can't tease someone in good faith or be honest about a negative situation. There is a difference between the two.
If we are actively pursuing God, it seems our hearts should follow suit. Any inconsistency in that indicates that we are not diligent in His pursuit. It doesn't mean we will not make mistakes, it does not mean that we will not take steps backwards, because we surely will. It's a long process of sanctification. Still for myself, I desire to be uncomfortable with the condition of my heart, that I would guard it above all else, as Proverbs 4 says. That I would be in constant repair of the wounds and in active battle against the darkness inside of it. I would be a bold liar to say I didn't have some blotches. I think we all would be to some extent. I hope we take those dark spots in our hearts and turn them bright red.
This verse in Matthew 12 has been sticking out to me. The context of which is quite impacting as well. The verse before (33) says quite plainly, if a tree is good make it's fruit good, and if it is bad the fruit will be bad. That's our meter. That is what measures us. Our fruit.
I have been feeling a strong conviction for my words. What am I saying? Is it encouraging? sarcastic? cynical? hopeless? hopeful? loving? hateful? And what are the things that I stand for in my words and do my actions support that. Where is the fruit in my life? I claim Christ sure. Many people do. Many people claim Him but do not KNOW Him. Please understand I say these things in the context of my own desire to know Him better, and not in a judging manner. My desire is that all who claim Christ would seek Him, I know I fail at this.
I guess at the center of this musing is the concept that the things that we say are evidence of the condition of our heart. Saying that it is just a personality trait to be sarcastic or cynical is a cop out. To me, if those things exist in a malicious way, it means there is some black spot on our heart that is yet to be eradicated. I am not saying you can't tease someone in good faith or be honest about a negative situation. There is a difference between the two.
If we are actively pursuing God, it seems our hearts should follow suit. Any inconsistency in that indicates that we are not diligent in His pursuit. It doesn't mean we will not make mistakes, it does not mean that we will not take steps backwards, because we surely will. It's a long process of sanctification. Still for myself, I desire to be uncomfortable with the condition of my heart, that I would guard it above all else, as Proverbs 4 says. That I would be in constant repair of the wounds and in active battle against the darkness inside of it. I would be a bold liar to say I didn't have some blotches. I think we all would be to some extent. I hope we take those dark spots in our hearts and turn them bright red.
Friday, April 16, 2010
They are many
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him from them all. He keeps all his bones, not one is broken."
-Psalm 34:18-20
As I lay in my bunk the other night en route from Vegas to Albaquerque, I opened up my bible app (hah) on my phone and that was the first passage I saw. Again, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him from them all." I don't know how things progress in your walk, but for me, it helps to be reminded, actually, that I will face many afflictions, because I most certainly do. The big battles, the small battles, they are all intertwined in my pursuit of my savior. That was the key verse for me. Verse 19. That no matter what, we have the promise of deliverance from those trials through the saving graces of our heavenly father. Now for David, the author of this particular Psalm, it was written in leaving one dangerous situation and arriving at another. In 1 Samuel 21, it speaks of how he was fleeing from Saul in fear of his life, and fled towards the Philistines. Upon arriving there, the Philistines said, Is not this David the king of the land? did they not sing one to another of him in dances, saying, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands?" At this point, David has got to be thinking... crap. I ran from one man and my reputation here precedes me, this men want to kill me. The key here is that David, in recognition of his futile attempts of evasion, finally let go of trying to do it himself and prays to his God, to our God. Thus, God delivers him from the Philistines. And, thus, the source of his praise in Psalm 34.
God is near to you, to me, when our spirits are crushed. If you think this life is a cakewalk, especially the christian one, you are drastically incorrect. But God promises deliverance, and he is aware that your afflictions are many. Also, think of the perfection of our savior, not one bone is broken, he keeps them all. Think of that. That prophecy is fulfilled, Christ walked this earth and never broke a bone, and there is a strong significance to me in that. It speaks to the purity of Christ, and the impurity of us. The depravity we are born into. Don't misinterpret me. I am not bashing humanity and saying we are worthless. I am simply recognizing the fact that due to the nature of this earth and due to our own nature, affliction, sin, despair... is an inevitability. And as David had to, you and I must be reminded to see that God delivers us FROM THEM ALL. Not one, not many, but all. What a reassurance!
-Psalm 34:18-20
As I lay in my bunk the other night en route from Vegas to Albaquerque, I opened up my bible app (hah) on my phone and that was the first passage I saw. Again, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him from them all." I don't know how things progress in your walk, but for me, it helps to be reminded, actually, that I will face many afflictions, because I most certainly do. The big battles, the small battles, they are all intertwined in my pursuit of my savior. That was the key verse for me. Verse 19. That no matter what, we have the promise of deliverance from those trials through the saving graces of our heavenly father. Now for David, the author of this particular Psalm, it was written in leaving one dangerous situation and arriving at another. In 1 Samuel 21, it speaks of how he was fleeing from Saul in fear of his life, and fled towards the Philistines. Upon arriving there, the Philistines said, Is not this David the king of the land? did they not sing one to another of him in dances, saying, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands?" At this point, David has got to be thinking... crap. I ran from one man and my reputation here precedes me, this men want to kill me. The key here is that David, in recognition of his futile attempts of evasion, finally let go of trying to do it himself and prays to his God, to our God. Thus, God delivers him from the Philistines. And, thus, the source of his praise in Psalm 34.
God is near to you, to me, when our spirits are crushed. If you think this life is a cakewalk, especially the christian one, you are drastically incorrect. But God promises deliverance, and he is aware that your afflictions are many. Also, think of the perfection of our savior, not one bone is broken, he keeps them all. Think of that. That prophecy is fulfilled, Christ walked this earth and never broke a bone, and there is a strong significance to me in that. It speaks to the purity of Christ, and the impurity of us. The depravity we are born into. Don't misinterpret me. I am not bashing humanity and saying we are worthless. I am simply recognizing the fact that due to the nature of this earth and due to our own nature, affliction, sin, despair... is an inevitability. And as David had to, you and I must be reminded to see that God delivers us FROM THEM ALL. Not one, not many, but all. What a reassurance!
Friday, March 19, 2010
RWRS!
So, for the next 6 weeks, off and on, I will be playing keys for Francesca Battistelli on the Rock and Worship Roadshow. We played our first show last night in Indianapolis at Conseco Fieldhouse, and this evening we have just finished up in Madison, WI and are gearing up to head to Council Bluffs, IA. It's been an exciting and now snowy and wet and cold start to the tour. Madison welcomed us with sunny weather this morning and got drastically colder as the day wore on. Now they are expecting 1 to 5 inches here in Madison tonight. Heath (of Fee) demonstrated his attitude towards the snow quite effectively in this picture... It was a slippery, chilly load-in to say the least. At any rate, I think it's off to a good start. It's great to get to hang with Franny and Matt more, and Fee and his guys are killer as well (that's our bus, with a few crew members as well). We are sharing Heath and Matt from the Fee camp on our set. Tonight was especially good in terms of crowd size. They were at capacity here at Alliant Energy Center, which was great compared to a slightly smaller, yet still solid crowd in Indiana last night. Here's to a great tour!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Sun and the Moon
I really want to share this thought from bible study yesterday morning.
Me and the C Church band have been studying Hebrews for months now, and we just finished this incredible book describing faith, Christ's priesthood, Godly discipline and many other facets of the Christian walk. We are now moving onto John, and basically studied the first 18 verses of the first book yesterday. I cannot take credit for all of this imagery because Michael Olson shared this thought, and here is my response to it.
John establishes who Jesus is in the opening verses. I am sure many of you have familiarity with John 1:1, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." But, after that, John begins drawing comparisons of light to Christ. He uses light to describe the character of Christ seven times from verses 3-9 (NIV). What's the significance of this?
Well, let's imagine a world without light? A world of darkness. The emotion I feel is sadness, hopelessness, something about the promise of the sun in the morning is reassuring to me. What does light do, really? This is fairly trite, but it illuminates things, yes? Or better said, it reveals things that were once dark. Take the moon for example. It's just a dark spot, unrevealed, sailing around our planet, until the sun hits it. When the sun shines on the moon, it reveals a beautiful, soft, white reflection that has spurned the imagination of kids and scientists alike. So, as Paul indicates, Jesus is light. Jesus is the sun. God the moon. When Jesus came into this world, as was planned from the beginning, he revealed the true nature of who God is, and the active relationship and love that God seeks with us and from us. Jesus essentially illuminates who God is and the hope is that it drives us to seek communion with God. The moon does not illuminate itself, it cannot, it needs the sun to reflect its beauty. So, God, the trinity, working in harmony, do the same. God is a reflection of the light Jesus brought to the world, he is the picture that Jesus painted.
Maybe the stars are the Holy Spirit?
Me and the C Church band have been studying Hebrews for months now, and we just finished this incredible book describing faith, Christ's priesthood, Godly discipline and many other facets of the Christian walk. We are now moving onto John, and basically studied the first 18 verses of the first book yesterday. I cannot take credit for all of this imagery because Michael Olson shared this thought, and here is my response to it.
John establishes who Jesus is in the opening verses. I am sure many of you have familiarity with John 1:1, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." But, after that, John begins drawing comparisons of light to Christ. He uses light to describe the character of Christ seven times from verses 3-9 (NIV). What's the significance of this?
Well, let's imagine a world without light? A world of darkness. The emotion I feel is sadness, hopelessness, something about the promise of the sun in the morning is reassuring to me. What does light do, really? This is fairly trite, but it illuminates things, yes? Or better said, it reveals things that were once dark. Take the moon for example. It's just a dark spot, unrevealed, sailing around our planet, until the sun hits it. When the sun shines on the moon, it reveals a beautiful, soft, white reflection that has spurned the imagination of kids and scientists alike. So, as Paul indicates, Jesus is light. Jesus is the sun. God the moon. When Jesus came into this world, as was planned from the beginning, he revealed the true nature of who God is, and the active relationship and love that God seeks with us and from us. Jesus essentially illuminates who God is and the hope is that it drives us to seek communion with God. The moon does not illuminate itself, it cannot, it needs the sun to reflect its beauty. So, God, the trinity, working in harmony, do the same. God is a reflection of the light Jesus brought to the world, he is the picture that Jesus painted.
Maybe the stars are the Holy Spirit?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Leviticus
Not since June...
It's been dry. An incredible dry fall spiritually... I wish I knew the reasons behind peaks and valleys in the christian walk. Instead, what I think I've begun to recognize is that the walk is truly what it is all about. Obedience to my heavenly father in both trying and triumphant times. The times where it seems like no growth is evident and that sense of enrichment is completely absent from your life... those are crucial times to still get up and take up your cross and follow your Savior! That is completely where I have been and honestly I am glad to be writing this because I feel like I have some real thoughts to share where I truly haven't in a while. It's been frustrating at the very least.
I've been at my third attempt in reading through the bible. (the previous two were not entirely successful, I've never gotten through the entire OT, though I have been through the NT a handful of times). This time around, I've tried to diligently follow the advice of my pastor and good friend, Ryan Britt. He recommends, as do I now, that we all read the bible from the perspective that it really is one continuous story about Christ. The bible, and indeed, history is centered around this man who was both fully human and fully divine (and also not white with long brown hair, by the way... haha). At any rate, I am sifting through some pretty slow chapters of Leviticus and something is really standing out to me. It really is not that profound of a thought, but it still encouraged me... The rules and regulations that Moses writes about in this portion of the Pentateuch are thoroughly endless. Mundane. Depressing. Seemingly trivial. But that is at first glance and if you try to read the bible like fiction... you say... where are the juicy stories of murder and intrigue? where are the stories of conquest and where are the dazzling miracles?... or if you read it like a self-help book... where is the advice for what I am going through? what do the diagnostics for building the temple have to do with me? These are easy questions to ask, and all of those things ARE in the bible. A likely attitude to adopt if you come to the bible looking for some personal fulfillment is to desire these things so strongly and miss some greater lesson. God would not call us to be in His word, I argue, for us to feel better about ourselves. He wants us to be in His word out of obedience to him, so we can more diligently follow His commands and seek His will. I am not suggesting that you won't find answers in the word, I am simply stating that if you constantly seek God in the Word and the message of Christ's redemption in it that you will find more concrete, biblical direction for your life.
So how have these passages spoke to me? They have made me in awe of God. Simple and plain. The reason for all of these rules and regulations were for one purpose, to access a relationship with our Heavenly Father. For the Israelites, it took quite the measured lifestyle to have that, and even then, only one man could step into the Holy of Holies with being struck to death, and if even he was unclean in that moment, he too would die. This doesn't mean God is some rule happy dictator that wants us to live rigid, unhappy lives. It means he literally is so holy, so blameless, so perfect... that we now, and the Israelites then, could never access His presence freely without Christ. Without Christ paying the ultimate sacrifice on the cross to redeem a personal relationship with our Father, we would still be separated like the Jewish people of the Old Testament were. That's what the passage clarified for me. The gratefulness I ought to live in daily for no longer needing those laws, but being able instead to pray, to talk, to share freely a deeply personal relationship with our perfect Father through our perfect Savior. A simple thought really...
It's been dry. An incredible dry fall spiritually... I wish I knew the reasons behind peaks and valleys in the christian walk. Instead, what I think I've begun to recognize is that the walk is truly what it is all about. Obedience to my heavenly father in both trying and triumphant times. The times where it seems like no growth is evident and that sense of enrichment is completely absent from your life... those are crucial times to still get up and take up your cross and follow your Savior! That is completely where I have been and honestly I am glad to be writing this because I feel like I have some real thoughts to share where I truly haven't in a while. It's been frustrating at the very least.
I've been at my third attempt in reading through the bible. (the previous two were not entirely successful, I've never gotten through the entire OT, though I have been through the NT a handful of times). This time around, I've tried to diligently follow the advice of my pastor and good friend, Ryan Britt. He recommends, as do I now, that we all read the bible from the perspective that it really is one continuous story about Christ. The bible, and indeed, history is centered around this man who was both fully human and fully divine (and also not white with long brown hair, by the way... haha). At any rate, I am sifting through some pretty slow chapters of Leviticus and something is really standing out to me. It really is not that profound of a thought, but it still encouraged me... The rules and regulations that Moses writes about in this portion of the Pentateuch are thoroughly endless. Mundane. Depressing. Seemingly trivial. But that is at first glance and if you try to read the bible like fiction... you say... where are the juicy stories of murder and intrigue? where are the stories of conquest and where are the dazzling miracles?... or if you read it like a self-help book... where is the advice for what I am going through? what do the diagnostics for building the temple have to do with me? These are easy questions to ask, and all of those things ARE in the bible. A likely attitude to adopt if you come to the bible looking for some personal fulfillment is to desire these things so strongly and miss some greater lesson. God would not call us to be in His word, I argue, for us to feel better about ourselves. He wants us to be in His word out of obedience to him, so we can more diligently follow His commands and seek His will. I am not suggesting that you won't find answers in the word, I am simply stating that if you constantly seek God in the Word and the message of Christ's redemption in it that you will find more concrete, biblical direction for your life.
So how have these passages spoke to me? They have made me in awe of God. Simple and plain. The reason for all of these rules and regulations were for one purpose, to access a relationship with our Heavenly Father. For the Israelites, it took quite the measured lifestyle to have that, and even then, only one man could step into the Holy of Holies with being struck to death, and if even he was unclean in that moment, he too would die. This doesn't mean God is some rule happy dictator that wants us to live rigid, unhappy lives. It means he literally is so holy, so blameless, so perfect... that we now, and the Israelites then, could never access His presence freely without Christ. Without Christ paying the ultimate sacrifice on the cross to redeem a personal relationship with our Father, we would still be separated like the Jewish people of the Old Testament were. That's what the passage clarified for me. The gratefulness I ought to live in daily for no longer needing those laws, but being able instead to pray, to talk, to share freely a deeply personal relationship with our perfect Father through our perfect Savior. A simple thought really...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Peter
So after InsideOut last night, or really, during small group discussion, I took a moment to myself in the church's main auditorium. To me, there is something fascinating about being in a room that is normally vibrant, cheerful, loud, full of people and sounds, music and worship and being there in stillness and silence and darkness. The only contribution to otherwise dead silence was the low hum of the computer racks and light rigs and air conditioning, but no disturbing or intermittent noises that attract the ears. In my hearing's inattentivness, I found a peacful solitude that can't be achieved in many places. There was a trail of light leaking through one of the side entrances so I laid prostrate and began to read in 1st Peter. There were a few verses in the first chapter that stuck out to me... and looking at two translations here... verse 14. It says in the NIV, "do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance." I liked the ESV even better. It's not in front of me but I believe it said something to the effect of don't be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance. I like that concept of ignorant passions. As sinners, as lost people, or even as misguided, unconvicted Christians... we give in constantly to these "passions." Yes, they are evil desires, but only under a somewhat religous umbrella do we see them as such. In otherwords, ignorance lends itself to a form of bliss, where we don't see our passions and vices as evil. A unbeliever doesn't see their sin as evil, whether or not their conscience is telling them otherwise. So, I find that is really what we are, or were, under sin. Ignorant. Given to the whims of the world and finding no fault in those, or as believers, choosing to live in ignorance and conform to what we know, on an eternal scale, are weightless behaviors. Either way, Peter is encouraging us, don't give in! don't conform! It's your former ignorance. You are not and do not have to live in it anymore, and really you ought not to be.
Secondly, I like the passage in verse 22 which says to love your brothers sincerely, deeply, purely from the heart. That's a challenge, is it not? I was considering how often I love purely, selflessly, because of Christ in me versus how often I love conditionally and with Reed in mind. I know I struggle with that. There are many things I can attribute that to, but I know one is that I have a passion for excellence and commitment and competitivness in whatever it is I am doing. Be it sports, games, friendships, relationships or most obviously music, I want to do well and be seen as doing well. When I fail or feel like my best foot was not put forward, I tend to want to find esteem in others, and thus create a bubble of falsified love to fall back onto, to the point that I will love others conditionally to recieve it. It's sick, it's twisted, but it's truth. Actually, twisted is an apt way to describe it. In reality, the idea of being excellent in something is good. God wants that for us. He wants us to enjoy our passions (not the former ignorant ones) to the fullest, and excel in those things. Satan is the Great Deceiver. He can turn good into bad as fast as Jesus did water to wine. He can take the innately good in us and twist it and squeeze some bad out of us, as if we were a sponge nearly dry but damp, and Satan finds just a drop of sin or two to extract from us when otherwise we were tapped out. So this remains my hope, to in every moment possible, love purely and selflessly and to know deeply the passions of my Father and the restoration of Christ living in me.
Secondly, I like the passage in verse 22 which says to love your brothers sincerely, deeply, purely from the heart. That's a challenge, is it not? I was considering how often I love purely, selflessly, because of Christ in me versus how often I love conditionally and with Reed in mind. I know I struggle with that. There are many things I can attribute that to, but I know one is that I have a passion for excellence and commitment and competitivness in whatever it is I am doing. Be it sports, games, friendships, relationships or most obviously music, I want to do well and be seen as doing well. When I fail or feel like my best foot was not put forward, I tend to want to find esteem in others, and thus create a bubble of falsified love to fall back onto, to the point that I will love others conditionally to recieve it. It's sick, it's twisted, but it's truth. Actually, twisted is an apt way to describe it. In reality, the idea of being excellent in something is good. God wants that for us. He wants us to enjoy our passions (not the former ignorant ones) to the fullest, and excel in those things. Satan is the Great Deceiver. He can turn good into bad as fast as Jesus did water to wine. He can take the innately good in us and twist it and squeeze some bad out of us, as if we were a sponge nearly dry but damp, and Satan finds just a drop of sin or two to extract from us when otherwise we were tapped out. So this remains my hope, to in every moment possible, love purely and selflessly and to know deeply the passions of my Father and the restoration of Christ living in me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)