So after InsideOut last night, or really, during small group discussion, I took a moment to myself in the church's main auditorium. To me, there is something fascinating about being in a room that is normally vibrant, cheerful, loud, full of people and sounds, music and worship and being there in stillness and silence and darkness. The only contribution to otherwise dead silence was the low hum of the computer racks and light rigs and air conditioning, but no disturbing or intermittent noises that attract the ears. In my hearing's inattentivness, I found a peacful solitude that can't be achieved in many places. There was a trail of light leaking through one of the side entrances so I laid prostrate and began to read in 1st Peter. There were a few verses in the first chapter that stuck out to me... and looking at two translations here... verse 14. It says in the NIV, "do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance." I liked the ESV even better. It's not in front of me but I believe it said something to the effect of don't be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance. I like that concept of ignorant passions. As sinners, as lost people, or even as misguided, unconvicted Christians... we give in constantly to these "passions." Yes, they are evil desires, but only under a somewhat religous umbrella do we see them as such. In otherwords, ignorance lends itself to a form of bliss, where we don't see our passions and vices as evil. A unbeliever doesn't see their sin as evil, whether or not their conscience is telling them otherwise. So, I find that is really what we are, or were, under sin. Ignorant. Given to the whims of the world and finding no fault in those, or as believers, choosing to live in ignorance and conform to what we know, on an eternal scale, are weightless behaviors. Either way, Peter is encouraging us, don't give in! don't conform! It's your former ignorance. You are not and do not have to live in it anymore, and really you ought not to be.
Secondly, I like the passage in verse 22 which says to love your brothers sincerely, deeply, purely from the heart. That's a challenge, is it not? I was considering how often I love purely, selflessly, because of Christ in me versus how often I love conditionally and with Reed in mind. I know I struggle with that. There are many things I can attribute that to, but I know one is that I have a passion for excellence and commitment and competitivness in whatever it is I am doing. Be it sports, games, friendships, relationships or most obviously music, I want to do well and be seen as doing well. When I fail or feel like my best foot was not put forward, I tend to want to find esteem in others, and thus create a bubble of falsified love to fall back onto, to the point that I will love others conditionally to recieve it. It's sick, it's twisted, but it's truth. Actually, twisted is an apt way to describe it. In reality, the idea of being excellent in something is good. God wants that for us. He wants us to enjoy our passions (not the former ignorant ones) to the fullest, and excel in those things. Satan is the Great Deceiver. He can turn good into bad as fast as Jesus did water to wine. He can take the innately good in us and twist it and squeeze some bad out of us, as if we were a sponge nearly dry but damp, and Satan finds just a drop of sin or two to extract from us when otherwise we were tapped out. So this remains my hope, to in every moment possible, love purely and selflessly and to know deeply the passions of my Father and the restoration of Christ living in me.
